my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
