Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
