I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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