apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
