call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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