just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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