Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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