remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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