before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
