what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
