I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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