She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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