so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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