He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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