The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need water and some morals
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
