Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
