I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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