I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
