dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
