it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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