Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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