she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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