and she was petting her beer can
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
