I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
