Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Couch. On fire.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
