Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
