I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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