Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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