we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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