We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
