Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
