Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
