dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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