cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
