Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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