Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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