Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
