PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
