i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Randomize
