Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
