Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
