so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
