Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
