I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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