just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
