I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
