i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
