I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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