"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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