I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
