Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
