That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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